Deepening Connections Through Shared Joy

We've all been there. We share some piece of exciting news with a friend – a promotion, a new love, a creative breakthrough – and we get a perfunctory "that's great!" or "congratulations." While well-intentioned, these responses often fall short of truly connecting and celebrating our joy.

Enter Active-Constructive Responding (ACR), a powerful communication strategy developed by psychologist Shelly Gable. ACR goes beyond passive congratulations; it involves actively engaging with the good news, showing genuine enthusiasm, and deepening the connection with the individual sharing their positive experience.

Four Ways to Respond to Good News:

Gable's research identified four distinct ways people typically respond to others' good news:

1. Passive-Constructive: These responses are minimal, such as "that's nice" or a brief nod. While acknowledging the news, they lack genuine enthusiasm and engagement.
2. Passive-Destructive: These responses dismiss or ignore the good news entirely. The listener might change the subject, appear disinterested, or even leave the conversation.
3. Active-Destructive: These responses focus on the negative aspects of the situation, expressing concern or even criticism. For example, "That's great, but are you sure you can handle the extra workload?"
4. Active-Constructive: This is the most impactful response. It involves actively engaging with the good news by asking follow-up questions, expressing genuine enthusiasm, and sharing in the other person's joy. Examples include:
   • "That's amazing! Tell me more about how you feel."
   • "I'm so proud of you! What were some of the key moments that led to this success?"
   • "I can only imagine how excited you must be. Let's celebrate!"

Why ACR Matters:

Research has shown that ACR has a profound impact on relationships (Gable et al., 2004, 2010). When we respond to others' good news with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity, we:

• Strengthen Bonds: ACR fosters deeper connection and intimacy by showing that we truly care about the other person's happiness.
• Increase Positive Emotions: Sharing in others' joy amplifies positive emotions for both the sharer and the listener.
• Boost Self-Esteem: Feeling seen, heard, and celebrated by others boosts the sharer's self-esteem and confidence.
• Build Trust and Intimacy: ACR demonstrates empathy, compassion, and genuine interest in the other person's well-being, fostering stronger, more trusting relationships.

Incorporating ACR into Your Life:

• Become Mindful: Pay attention to how you typically respond to good news. Are you guilty of passive or destructive responses?
• Practice Active Listening: Give your full attention to the person sharing their news.
• Ask Engaging Questions: Go beyond "that's great." Ask questions that encourage the other person to elaborate and share their feelings.
• Express Genuine Enthusiasm: Let your joy shine through!
• Celebrate Together: Find ways to celebrate their success, whether it's a small gesture or a larger celebration.

By consciously practicing ACR, we can cultivate deeper, more meaningful connections with the people in our lives. It's a simple yet powerful tool that can transform our relationships and create a more positive and supportive social environment.

Reference

Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228–245.